I promise, 
I will forever be with you...
And you will keep me safe and untouched even if I free my pain in the end, 
burying my bones down in the deep...
so I scatter into pieces fleeing up in the sky,
falling down when it rains,
deeper into the eroded soil while waving back in the ocean! 
I will always come back,
remember you have my remains...
Inked pain of secrets,
I left in your heart...
so you scream throwing me away,
my remains... 
Showering secrets in the streets, 
just like those fall leaves!
I will be smiling,
that you made me an infinite melody... 

From,
Hope. 

Musings:

I have been maintaining a diary since I was a kid due to my introverted behaviour. 

Just not that, I have always been extremely repressive about my emotions. Trust me, that thing troubles me a lot. Not being able to say something that I am screaming inside, is honestly the worst feeling ever. And so just to cope up with these emotional turmoil, I always exhale what I am feeling through my poems and write ups. It's kind of like a mental note to myself. Though it doesn't help that much 'cause it's like reliving the catastrophe again and again! 

Sometimes, I struggle with expression,  just to jot down my feelings with rhymes and metaphors. It's weird you know, that struggle, that chaos, that something is definitely going on but I don't know, exactly what! That moment, I just face a strong mental breakdown. I scream, I cry, begging a bowl of healing, yet nothing in return. Sometimes I feel, no one gets me! And so, now I know why I feel so alone. It's kind of okay, that won't change my compassion and love for them. That's how I am!

So, while writing this piece, I was thinking that what if I perish leaving all these burdens inside the diary I have. Wouldn't it be weird and unfair, 'cause no one will know what I wanted to scream in their ears. Or just like, my identity, my thoughts, my existence that I have inside these penned notes, what if I lose them all? The way I see the world, the way I feel for him, the way I care for everyone in need, would it be a mystery at the end? A misunderstood portrait of my beautiful scars! 

I wouldn't want that for myself. So, sometimes I am scared and I keep telling my immortal self, that if I fail to make it, don't break your promises, don't break my heart again! Just keep my existence safe, and let everyone touch those untouched void I had.