Hello again!

Today I am going to share my own story with you guys. I am a civil services aspirant and I was lucky enough to take coaching for the same in Delhi. I have done my graduation in agricultural science and I boarded a flight to Delhi on the very next day I finished my college. I was nervous, excited, scared at the same time but was numb to any of those feelings.

After reaching Delhi, I made friends, attended classes regularly, studied hard but I was so damn tired with the hostel life (i was in a hostel for 4 years and then the very next day I came to Delhi) that I just wanted to go home and prepare from there. June 7 2018 was the day when my classes started and in September I lost my best friend. She was having a tumour but was so brave to have surgery thrice inside her head. I was shocked. I don't show my feelings out but this incident affected me a lot. I was living in Delhi alone. staying there became harder for me. So I decided to go back home after my classes were complete. Little did I know that this small decision could change my life. 

So I returned home as I planned on March 10th 2019 with a lot of relief. I started preparing seriously. But you know how parents deal with a grown-up woman. They expect us to cook, clean and help them with the household chores. I thought I could handle both. But soon I started losing my patience. Completing my syllabus was my number one priority. I was ready to sacrifice my sleep for it. But then, my mother's health wasn't that good so all the responsibility fell on me. I got frustrated and for MY PEACE, I started distancing myself from my goal. Because I couldn't ignore my mom's health and have to fulfil her duties.

My dad observed me and he thought I was no longer interested to become an officer but he did not understand my pain. Somehow in the middle of this chaos, I gave my first attempt. What would you expect? I still remember I cried my way back home in a crowded bus like an idiot. I never tasted failure before but this was that moment.

The same things repeated and I couldn't handle it. So I asked my father to send me somewhere so that I could study in peace. He refused to support me ( because he was planning to marry me off). Then corona happened. I fell into depression. Sometimes I try to make things work. But sometimes I feel like I belong to this darkness and there is no way out.

Sometimes I wonder what if I never decided to come back home. What if I mustered some courage and stayed there at least for some more days.

Thanks for reading😊