Right now I am in pain thinking that again we grew out of love and my love was draining you in the long run.

It all started when we both were in our high school you came to my life, I was so happy to have you in my life, after all you were the topper of our class . I remember those days when we use to share our tiffin together and have our kinda talk, my roll number was 19 and your 20. But suddenly what happened you left me alone you stopped talking to me I was in pain. I tried to communicate with you but you always avoided. I remember you used to speak with the entire class except me. No one knew about our relationship back then and this is how it all started. 

You came back to me after a year later, I was so happy to again have you in my life. You complete me. I again started smiling , I was preparing for my entrance and you were in your college studying your favourite subject. I was happy for you and more happy for us. Our relationship was a long distance one we used to  meet one or twice in a year. You have been always passionate about your further which I was happy for and proud at the same time. But the worst happened after a year you left  me alone once again. I was shattered in to pieces I failed in my entrance. I was obsessed and over possesive about you which I think you don't liked . Every one needs a bit of space in their life but I failed to understand that. But by gods grace you came back to me after five months and again I was happy. I always craved for you. You told me that 20's is an important age for doing hardwork if I don't work hard now then how will I be able to fulfill all your dreams in future babe. I was in trears thinking my man loves me so much. I was once again happy I started my entrance preparation for the second year. Everything was going smoothly. You used to avoid me all the time I used to see you online but no reply for me. When I asked you about this you told me that you were busy clearing  doubts from sir. Which was fine for me. I started giving him space but inside my heart something used to happen which I can't explain in words . I used to miss him. He used to not even get 10 mins to have a chat with me. I used to think it might be because I am not successful that's why he is trying to avoid me and he feels shy in introducing me to his family or friends.

I failed once again, this time also I was unable to get a government seat for my medical entrance. 

And now my father decided to take me to Chennai along with him for my entrance preparation, I remember the day when I was going to jammu he came to meet me that too after a year I guess I cried a lot on his shoulder. He promised me that he won't give me any pain in near future. I was happy to hear so. That day we talked a lot via chat . He made so many promises to me. 

After I reached chennai, I was debarded from using internet and I was only allowed to concentrate in my studies. First few days it was okay but after that It was suffocating for me I never stayed alone like this without my mother and sister. I was in agony and grief. I used to live with my father over there, I was missing my family and ofcourse my partner too. Eight months passed away like this and finally my dad decided to come to Kolkata for celebrating our harvest festival Durga Puja. It was so overwhelming for me. After reaching the railway station I got back my internet and the first thing I did is to contact him that I m coming back to Kolkata. I was scrolling through his Facebook profile and I came to know that a lot has changed in his life. He is having a lot of new Friends and he is busy and happy in his own life. His newsfeed was filled with his friends photographs. I don't know why but I felt a bit bad. I saw his few messages and I replied him. I was thinking that he would have spent those five days of pujas only with me via messaging or chatting as I was not allowed to go out as my partner was conservative. 

But I was wrong from morning till night he was busy in pandal hopping with his friends. 

I know I was being only selfish.i never thought about him . That now he is having is own life. He has his own dreams, which I am not a part of anymore.

I went back again to Chennai and now I came to Kolkata after almost an year. In the mean time we talked a bit I used to use my dad's phone and message him at night when my dad used to sleep. But I used to get reply only one in a while. But my love for him has never decrease no matter what.

The day when I was finally coming back to Kolkata before 2 months of my exam . I took out my phone at the airport and I messaged him that hey babe your girl is finally coming back. His reply was kinda cold I asked him what's the matter. He just told me that “ I need a break” my exams are coming and I want to focus on that , I have some pending works which need to be done on time.

He used to go out with his friends for lunch dates, dinner dates, hangout everywhere but he didn't get to spend two Minutes with his girl friend.

This was for the fourth time now he left me officially. I again failed in my entrance. I used to always check my social media handle thinking that he might have texted me telling how much he love me and he wants me back in his life.

I don't know why but I considered my life as a joke. He told me that he never asked me to fail in the entrance because of him. For him education was the utmost priority. But I think I had given him more priority than that and I was expecting more than what he gave me. 

I went to him this time after eight months and begged him please don't leave me. I want to be with you no matter what. 

His reply was “ I think I have changed I wish I don't change anymore ” and this was one of the harsh words which I had ever heard in my life. I saw he deleted all my pictures from his instagram handle. I even told him that my parents are planning to give my marriage as I am.not able to do anything in my life of 21 years. His reply was good for you uncle aunty has taken good decision.

 But after few days He accepted my proposal and we were again leading a gala time with all our promises and everything. 

But after three months the day before this blog is going he left me again for the one last time.

It's annoying and I know I am not able to make you guys understand about my feelings.

I think he too has his part of story which I don't know.

Miles to go before I sleep. I am still checking my social media thinking of him.❤️