To my half boyfriend...

Hello, shall we finally acknowledge what is happening in our lives, if you are out of your denial phase?

Do you also feel that awkward change that has come in our life? It was so sudden after all the happiness we gave each other. From hoping a life together it shifted to individual freedom. From sharing everything through WhatsApp calls it changed to WhatsApp thumbs-up emoji. After proving everyone wrong on the preconceptions about long-distance relationships this long, finally, let us gulp down the sour farewell.

I remember meeting you first as a stranger in a birthday celebration of another common stranger. You looked at me like no one ever did. Your look touched my soul through my eyes. We both made silly excuses to meet each other again and again. We had sinned differently by then and decided to move forward in life together.  

Do you remember slipping that ring of ours, in my hand? Without a second thought, I adorned your finger also with a ring. It was our little secret but since then I don't remember a day I removed it. I know, you haven't either. That evening we had a quick small walk hand in hand. I rested my head on your shoulder and my burdened mind felt it found a cosy nest. You smiled your soft smile. That night breeze might have kissed on our forehead with a blessing. You did not wake me up, neither did I want to wake up from that dreamy evening. You held my hand on the way back to the hostel. I felt my solace in that. You asked me to sing you a song. And I kept singing the same song again and again over years. That night I promised myself that I am not gonna lose this treasure. That one promise kept me waiting for years, to the date when we met again in front of my house after 5 years. Once again you let me uncrate all the burden in my mind by letting me sleep resting my head on your shoulder.

You would never know how precious you were to me. Only little did I know that you could lie to me over another woman. When I found you as my secret locker, you drifted away from me. So did all the happiness we created. No dear, I will never see you delinquent. It is not about you, it is about me. I keep thinking about something to realise later that I was lost in anxiety and not thoughts. It has become this difficult because you were the only friend I treasured.

No, please don't come back. I have grown back wings of my own and that has changed something in me. I don't feel I belong there anymore. I don't feel the same with you. No, I have never stopped loving you, but I stopped missing you. And maybe over time, I stopped being in love with you. I will keep singing for you. Trying to act happy for the people around you. I am doing the same. Let our paths cross in this at least. A piece of you will always remain with me and a piece of mine in you too. Let us revisit that on the days we miss our days together. Let us keep it burning in us. Let us end it here as it all started- from strangers to strangers. But this time as strangers who know each other through and through. Walk away with the same soft smile. Let it eclipse all the sorrows we hide deep-rooted in us. Keep walking without looking back; because I won't.

Love

Mrunmayee