I never used to cry like this watching a movie. I used to watch love stories before too. But I never used to cry watching them. I saw people crying over them and books and everything. And I didn’t understand why would you cry over a fictional character? A movie is just under 3 hours. How much can you get attached to a character in that much time? It never made any sense to me. Until today! When I had to go rush to the bathroom in the end because I had my colleague working beside me. I was crying throughout the movie though. But that was silently, and I had turned my face, so he didn’t know. But I had to go in the end because it would’ve been hard to explain why I would cry like that without any apparent reason. He would’ve judged me. Just like I used to do earlier.

     You never know what something feels like until you feel it yourself. Whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing. I never felt the love I’m feeling now before. I never had this emotional vulnerability that I have now. So now I know what it feels like to feel yourself through that movie or book or song. I know how it feels like when you’re watching a movie and you instantly connect with the character, and you smile when they’re happy and you cry when they’re sad in the movie. How you connect yourself with them so much that if they die, it can literally break your heart. Even if that was a fictional character. That’s the thing with love stories. Once you feel the love in its purest form, you see things differently. You value them differently. You start to relate yourself to every character in a movie or a book and every poem or music. You’re not actually crying over that character. You’re crying over yourself or a loved one who you see in that character. 

     I don’t understand why love stories always have to be sad. A good side in the movies is that it’s all cinematic and musical in the movies. And they still hurt when they end sadly. In reality, there’s no background music or fine camera angles, or good lighting. In the movies, when a character is sad or dies, a lot of people cry over that with background music. But in reality, when your heart is breaking into pieces, you know that no one is crying over you. No one is aware of what you’re going through. You can cry all day and night, but no one is going to cry over you or play sad background music for you. It’s all just chaos.

     A person once told me that love hurts the most. That it can kill a soul. I didn’t believe in that. I still don’t believe in that. Love doesn’t hurt. It’s the love that is left unspent, that hurts. So much of it, just screaming to be spent, and there’s no one on the other end to receive it. That’s what hurts. There are different reasons it can’t be spent. Sometimes it’s the other person who just can’t get it. Sometimes, it’s the circumstances that don’t let the love reach the other end. I didn’t use to believe in this kind of love. But then someone came into my life and taught me how to love. I was filled with the love of the purest kind. And when it was time to spend it, situations got in the middle of us. And now, I’m being overflowed with this love that I carry for just one person, but it seems like there’s no one on the other end to receive it. So this love is now turning slowly into grief. Every time I try to send it the other way, it just hits some invisible walls of circumstances and it comes back to me as grief. The problem is the love I have now is infinite. There’s no end to it. And no matter how much of it turns into grief, there will always be more left. 

     I never knew I could write like this. This sounds poetic. Like I said, love, can change people. It can make you a good person from a criminal. It has the capabilities to heal even the deepest wounds on a soul. It has a light powerful enough to light even the darkest of the places and a pull strong enough to pull you out from even the deepest places.

     And yet, it is as simple as a midnight walk, a warm hug, a hot cup of coffee, a little smile, a painting made on a random page of a book, and all those little things you can think of. It's as simple as that!