Death is an intriguing phenomenon to humankind. Many who have had near-death experiences might know what it is. Has it ever occurred to you what classifies as death? It could take several interpretations. The absence of physicality, the lack of trust and love in life, the non-existence of matter... It could go on forever. I will tell you about a different kind of death. A death of one's self, the one which is born out of the destruction of one's mind and body.
It hurts to think about it. Is it possible for a person to be alive and dead at the same time? Seems absurd, right?! Well, it all started out well (kind of). Love, with an unscented rose filled with thorns, entered her life. And, being the person who perceives the good in others and expects nothing in return, she said YES. The stranger was an unusual guy. Not the type she would usually select. May be, that's what's pulled her towards him. Think about the most unromantic love story in history and there you have it. Sometimes it was romantic, or at least it seemed to be.
It all began with the listing of all guys who proposed to her and everyone she had a crush on. Oh yes, the PAST. For a person who learned from the past and moved on, this was quite weird. Also, how far can one remember things that happened a long time ago? Yet, to gain his trust she didn't hold back. It was a revelation beyond her expectations for he didn't find it truthful. Little did she know then that, this was the first nail on her coffin. Love had become her sole religion. Her utmost sincerity was attributed with a new identity and a sense of humiliation for being HER loomed over. This event passed by and she thought the storm was finally over.
Then arrived the cyclones. Sensitive personal matters that should be kept a secret became a lewd song in the mouths of many. She was torn apart by the intense grief that welled up inside her. Later came the apologies that made her decide he wasn't a “bad guy” after all. She wanted the relationship to be a success more than anyone else in this world. Who would believe that they are being wronged, when they are in love?? These "unintentional" events became more frequent. Doubts started mounting up and she couldn't help notice how tattered she looked on the outside as well as the inside. "Is this me?", she'd often wonder looking at the mirror.
She never thought she'd be heard by anyone except her room, a chasm of sorrows. But, there was a constant listener. It came to light when the grand show unveiled itself in the middle of the night. An accusation which made her lose self-control and a sense of being. It crept and crawled through her skin like a slithering snake. One massive lie from the lack of trust. In short, the stench of the rotten relationship finally reached her nostrils. Tears rolled down like molten lava from a volcano. Confessions were made and she firmly chose to LET GO. A decision that might have taken an eternity for her to make, if this hadn't happened.
The patch-up did not go as planned. His “sorry” made her revisit each time he'd done this. A simple, hollow and unrealistic version of an apology, this is what she got, over and over again. Being a good-willed person, she tried one more time to forgive. But, that person was long gone. She died last night. She made up her mind that this would be the last time they saw each other. It ended up a curse. Because within a few days, trouble came looking for him. She was struggling hard to stay sane at the time.
Was she delusional all this time? No one seemed to care about her, how she felt or what she was going through. It turns out, no one knew about her inner turmoils better than herself. Grief wasn't an uncommon visitor to her. Yet, the indifference of several others gnawed at her heart. She's way over the blame game. She decided to move on, without any grudges or prejudices to hold her back. Life is truly full of surprises. Hope kept her going, and then the quest for self began. A journey to rediscover what she once used to be and expose the endless possibilities that awaited her.
