Here we are at the final month of another not so exciting and not so terrifying year but it is almost getting intense. Sometimes when you want to do something right the moment a new month begins, it doesn't work in your favour and that is what exactly happened with October, November and now with December. 

I am not saying that the last two months have been terrible throughout and is almost a trilogy now that December has also started but there are moments of realisation which is freaking you out. 

So for October which I thought I would give it my all and stick to a routine of working out and running from day 1 ended up me being sick for a week and the weather has made you a little weak. You had a submission by the month end and also things to get sorted and which is why I was inactive from Candlemonk for a whole month.

When November began, things got even intense and somewhat scary and I didn't know what to do. Partly there is hope on some sides and I held on it for relief. And when December began, few strings of hope snapped and the chances became very slime and the first three days of December were nerve-wrecking and restless for me as it felt like there was no way out of this. I was able to cope with it to an extent and ease myself with music while going out, or dancing when no one's home or watch some comedy to calm you down because other times, you feel restless, nervous, terrified, worried, scared, hopeless, everything that can go out of control. 

Yes, there is no point in staying nervous and worried for too long and no point in cheering you up for too long. I have just started to enjoy it and now it feels like it is being deprived. I can't expect a miracle out of nowhere because you also have to be realistic. I don't know if they are doing it on purpose or it is happening. Maybe it's not their fault, but I am not at fault either. I thought there was time but then… I don't want to do and I am told that it is not the end but it will be the end.

 I know it is only going to get difficult but don't scare me by emphasising it and making me doubt that I couldn't do it. Let me figure on my own. I understand all those concerns but truth be told, some of them freak me unnnecessarily when voiced a lot. That's the disadvantage of overthinking. (Does overthinking have an advantage?)

Doing some things could ease me out but it still feels like a question of life and death. And then while doing other things, I have to remind myself that… Time is Ticking… TICK…TICK…TICK…