This is probably going to be the cheesiest blog posts but not the cringiest for sure. This is something I have never talked about and I don't want to seem like desperate when it comes to love, relationship crushes, and all. 

So let's start with love. It is the most beautiful feeling in the world and there is no denying about the same. It doesn't limit to being in a relationship alone, even though I am going to talk about that in this blog post. Well, I have never not been single for the past 25 years. I won't say complicated either because there weren't any. I didn't understand the concept of  ‘crush’ until I was 16. And prior to that, what I assumed was my crushes were my girlfriends and I was in love that, when in fact that wasn't the case. It was also the time I understood the concept of infatuation and crush as prior to that, I thought it was all love. But it clearly wasn't. 

So by that calculation, my first crush was at Class 5 and the major one was at Class 11. The major one had an impact on me for two years till I joined college and I was forced by my classmates to tell her because I was very shy and feared she would complain when that it isn't always the case. 

In college, my first crush lasted for a week because the crush became a friend and the feeling was gone. Also the day after that, she said I was like a brother. (She didn't bro-zone me because the feeling was gone. Also, I never told her but only to my close friends.)

This first college crush didn't have a long impact compared to the major one in school because of the time period but she clearly was the first one. There were minor ones here and there and all I did was admire from a distance and smile about it, that's all. College was the place, you need to have quite some crushes or at least a relationship. Not necessarily, but there would be some normally. But not in my case. My total number of crushes (major and minor) is less than five. It is not about the number I know but you know things change, people change feelings change, And in that case, mine was stringent. 

My friend said that I was suppressing those feelings but I wasn't. And I don't force my feelings for the sake of feeling, it feels when it feels. My friend had quite some and I had none. Maybe I was trying to move on from the previous one which I did in the second year. Then, there was one with whom I didn't know what I was feeling but it was something. Someone I never thought I would feel something. We were friends initially but then something more was there and probably because of that, we stopped talking. Took me a while to realise that I liked her but didn't have tangible results. I have only mentioned to my best friend who states that I really liked her. But again, just because a person is charming doesn't mean you overlook the flaws. 

This was the one that took a longer period to get over. And I thought I would get over if I get a new crush and I didn't get any since the pandemic. It's been two months since I landed here and no one. That is because we don't have classes always and also the classmates are older and have kids. I wanted to get over the one in a way that I don't think of her. I thought it can happen only if I have someone else to think of. This took longer than the major crush at school. The reason I was still rooting for the one in college was I wanted a result and closure and I have gotten this year that closure. 

I can confidently say that I have completely moved on. I don't think of her as I used to before unnecessarily ever since I landed here. And that is because a lot is happening over here that you have no time to think about all that happened long ago. Even if I sit down to think, the thought might appear but the feeling isn't there anymore. It is gone. It isn't a scar as such. Maybe some unanswered questions will remain unanswered. Anyways, that chapter is closed and I have moved on. 

This didn't seem like a pleasant blog post as readers would have assumed. I am sorry to not have exceeded your expectations. Felt like talking about this, but not anymore. That's all for now. Thank you for reading. I will see you in the next one.