If this question of me being a loner was asked seven years ago, I would say that I was kind of a loner, especially in school. But if the same question was asked today, I wish knew the answer. I am also in doubt whether I have become one now, and through the years I might be more of it which is scary to an extent.
I don't know where to start exactly in relation to this topic. Is it from the time I identified myself to be a loner or the time I was i became known as an introvert. So let's start with the loner thing and I believe that it is not similar to introvert.
As I said before that I was kind of a loner in school especially after high school where I had to shift and that time, I was really down due to some reason and which is why I didn't interact with anyone since Day One and that was on purpose because one, I wasn't in a good State Of Mind and Two, I didn't like the people, their attitudes. Being a loner, I was eventually bullied by the class people so much that the last two years have been hell for me and home was heaven then. Well the last year of school has been bearable even though I still hated it and I was looking forward to leave the school and I decided that I would move to a different city for college and make new friends rather than staying at my hometown as I wasn't really comfortable with the familiar circle.
Even I moved to Bangalore for college, I didn't know how I would be able to deal with it as I was in a different city with different sets of people. But I got lucky that I got a friend on Day One which happened effortlessly and since then, we were together. It was through him that I was able to interact with many others and felt more acknowledged. If he wasn't there, I was pretty sure that I wouldn't be able to get past it. I would have still been that shy and reserved, too shy to make an effort in approaching. Well I still am that kind to an extent, but I feel that I was more acknowledged in Bangalore than I was in any other place or even the place that I am today.
It isn't like I don't want to interact, I like to interact and it's just that I should be comfortable with that person and I do make an effort wherever I go. But I feel that I get ignored at times and it used to bother me initially especially in college, and later I didn't care anymore. If they talk to me, I will talk to them and if they ignore him, I will do the same. Because I don't want to look like a fool by not getting a response when I try to interact. And when I stopped trying, I was termed as arrogant.
Because of getting constantly ignored that I isolated myself a lot. Like staying alone at the moment for my course and didn't go home during the holidays probably because I didn't feel like going and I would have been left out if I was there and reprimanded by some. Also I am a private person that I don't anyone randomly into my space and get annoyed when there are intruders. Not everyone is welcomed into that space. Having said that, I am not afraid of public or even strangers. Maybe I get nervous around people known to me and I was having an identity crisis back home, that is why I wanted to stay away from people known to me but here I am still on the same page. I don't have a friend in particular with whom I can interact or chat with. I don't want history to repeat itself where I get bullied because of being a loner but I don't think that would happen here because nobody is going to physically handle you or say it directly to your face, maybe behind your back. And to all those who talk behind my walk, a finger for them.
So in conclusion to this blog, I would say that I might seem like a loner, and that could be because I stopped trying to fit in a group only to get ignored. Having said that, I will present myself if it involves in a work space rather than being a silent valley. Also my major goal is to be self sufficient where I don't want to rely on anyone but prefer doing on my own. And that could be that reason even the relatives and the circle of people known to me term as arrogant and insensitive. Well I am not sorry about it.
