When we move to the next stage of life: such as starting university or a new job or being in a relationship, we don't easily adapt to it as we were so used to the previous lifestyle, or the people of the past, etc but later we adapt to it, but there is still a part of us yearning for the past, the people, those good times. In other words, nostalgia. 

So what do I think of nostalgia? Well, it is nice and a bit overrated and if you ask me what are my thoughts about nostalgia now, I am done with it. I have had enough of it. Sure, there were times I miss things and people but now I am seriously done with it. 

I am not saying that adulting is fun or bad but at least I am in a much better space; physically, mentally and emotionally, even if there are times of conflict and turmoil. I don't long for my days in college or the people there and I am not saying I have abandoned my friends. I have got only very few friends and I am in touch with them still and not with the previous gang. 

I think I stopped holding on to things ever since I moved abroad and probably the distance plays a role in keeping the so-called nostalgia far away from me. Do I miss my home back there? Not really. Do I miss Bangalore? I used to miss it till I was getting ready to leave for abroad, so I don't really miss it. Do I miss the people in Bangalore or the places there? Not exactly even if before I left for the UK. As for the people, I am only in touch with one so we make regular contact by text and a monthly phone call so no worries about that. As for the other people, not at all. Do I miss college? No, even if there were good times followed by really tough times, I don't miss college. Do I miss school? That is one thing I am never going to miss. I am glad I am way past that phase. Do I miss my family? Sometimes yes, but since there is the regular contact no worries. But it has been more than a year since we all met together. That will happen soon hopefully. 

One reason I don't miss things could be I don't feel it. While doing my undergrad, I was asked if I was home-sick or even when being abroad, my honest answer was ‘No, I am not home-sick. Because I don’t feel it.' There are times you miss things, people, and places which is fine but not all the time. One thing I used to miss about being back home was the breakfast such as idli, dosa, appam which we eat here (in the UK) very rarely and the times we have it, it is always a delightful feeling. 

Another reason I don't miss things could be there aren't things worth missing. For example, I don't miss school because I hated it and I waited for the time to finally get out. I had mixed feelings for undergraduate which was bearable and you also had people to an extent to rely on. 

My first two years in undergrad were really fun and beautiful but the final year was horrendous and stressful. I used to miss the first two years in college which I believe was the best time because that was the time certain things and people meant something more. But those were all gone and I tried holding on to that for too long till the lockdown and it was during the lockdown you realised that it isn't worth holding on and also that its role was meant to be till that time and not more. 

I think I held on to it for so long because there wasn't anything interesting or exciting happening from my final year in college till the time I was leaving for abroad. But now that I am where I am, I got no time to think about it because there are lot of other stuff to think and worry about and there are times I bring it up forcefully and then let it go because I am done with it.

I am done with ‘That time used to be good.' ‘All of us together.’ ‘We were something.’ ‘Is that place still there?’ ‘I still long for the momos.’ ‘What will I do if I run into her?’ I am done with it.

The gang that was there in the beginning of the college year broke up long ago even before college ended. Effort in reaching out to an old companion has to come from both sides. Of course, one of us has to take the first step in reaching out but if you get a lukewarm response, let it go. I didn't want to reach out to any people of the past and it has got nothing to do with pride, but the times I made an effort, it wasn't reciprocated. Sure, there were good times and I acknowledge it and I embraced it at that time it happened. But I am done yearning for it even if it is on an occasional basis. Having said that, I won't ignore or avoid a person from the past if I run into them but I don't want it to forcefully happen because it is certainly going to be weird and awkward if their response is weird and awkward. 

I wish I could hold on to people, be in touch with them, meet up by chance, and have coffee or dinner with them. But there aren't many people in my case and am I sad about it? I am fine with it. I am used to being ignored, disregarded, avoided, and denied by people my whole life and probably that must have made me a little hard-hearted because I didn't get it at the time I wanted it and when it comes, not sure if I need it.