Romantic Love Forms

"True love is not a hot, impulsive desire." It is, on the contrary, a tranquil and deep element. It looks beyond appearances and is drawn solely by attributes. It is astute and discriminating, and its dedication is genuine and lasting." —iWhite, Ellen G.

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Photographer: antoniodiaz/Shutterstock
Emotions are frequently associated with storms and fire: They are volatile, intense states that represent intense excitement and agitation. When we detect major change or the possibility of change in our situation, we experience emotions (Ben-Ze'ev, 2000). They have a tendency to exaggerate events and make them appear urgent, allowing us to mobilise our resources.

Maturity and peaceful excitement

"It occurs to me that we are 'behaving' (really, we are not behaving) like teens; can't we at least pretend to be mature adults?" "I feel like I'm twenty years old again." —A married woman and her husband (both in their 50s)

Maturity appears to act in opposition to novelty and excitement; young people are deemed more emotional than older people. Extrinsic, innovative change often elicits short-term passionate intensity, whereas long-term profound love is built on an intrinsic development of the familiar. The former is characterised by uncontrollable enthusiasm; the later by tranquillity (peacefulness, serenity), which is characterised by maturity (Mogilner et al., 2011).

Given these distinctions, the widely held belief that ,It has been discovered that the statement "happiness decreases with age" is untrue. In fact, research shows that older individuals are happier and more content with their life than younger people. One probable explanation is that when we realise our years are limited, we adjust our perspective and tend to focus on pleasant current experiences. In these situations, our emotional experiences are more likely to be calm. In summarising these data, Sonja Lyubomirsky comments that the "best years" for most people occur in the second half of life (Lyubomirsky, 2013; see also Carstensen, 2009; Carstensen et al., 2011).

Older people regard their partner as warm during both conflicts and collaborative tasks, and they report high marital satisfaction. Couples who are older and married have marital difficulties than their younger counterparts, although reporting that romantic bonds play a lesser role in their life. Companionate love, based on friendship, appears to be a defining aspect of their lives. In general, old-age intimate relationships are harmonious and rewarding (Berscheid, 2010; Charles & Carstensen, 2009).

"Romance is a storm." "Love is tranquil."

            - Mason Cooley's

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