The last born in the house has their own story to talk but on a serious note, no one is there to listen to them. Few may think, ‘What problems a youngest in the house would face, even though they get lots and lots of love, care, and nurture than the elder one’. What is so special to talk about? Why is it important to discuss this topic?
The Standard presumed ideology about children in a house are :
These days I'm going through these Instagram reels saying that, “ The younger doesn't give a sh*t about everything, they do what they want to do” bla bla bla bla…………..
Why this has become so fixed in people's minds? Does the youngest absorb the negative traits by birth or forced to do so? Why people get surprised to see a responsible youngest kid and mischievous elder kid?
You may have come across words like ‘First child syndrome’, ‘Second child syndrome’ and ‘Middle child syndrome’ etc. Though they sound like diseases they are just struggles or states of mind of each child according to their birth number,i.e the first child feels abandoned when the second child is born, etc. In this blog, I would like to focus only on the second or youngest child's mental state. Let's dive into this sensitive topic with an open mind.
This stage is heaven to the youngest child. He/She receives tons of love from the parents and their elder sibling. They are nurtured with care and complete attention to them which can make the elder jealous. Parents are under the mindset to not hurt any of their children and give equal love and importance. Due to such mental pressure on parents, they unknowingly start comparing the younger child to the elder, like - The elder used to not cry a lot during his infancy, The elder was not awake at night during his infancy, The elder has spoken few sentences on his first birthday but the younger is still saying only words, etc. Like come on guys, each child has their own time to develop mentally, there is nothing wrong or stupid if your younger child grows a little late.
After the younger grows a little, parents come to the conclusion that he/she is becoming 'Ladla' and suddenly change their behavior to become strict parents. It is like suddenly pouring oil into a big drum of purified water, same as such the younger can't absorb the negative atmosphere at once and makes him/her think that “my parents hate me”.
At this stage, parents are habituated to compare him/her with his elder sibling who has 2-3 years of the advanced brain than him/her. His/her marks in exams, extra-curricular skills, daily habits like brushing, eating, pooping, etc everything is on the comparison list.
Anything wrong happens in the house, the blame goes on to the youngest child. They are easy to scold and easy to misunderstand as he is the one who has spent fewer days on this planet than the others. Everything is made unfavorable and tough for the youngest to keep his/her calm. Being a child he/she may listen but in adolescence, he/she may get irritated due to the pressure of being like his/her elder sibling and start talking back. Because of this the younger becomes the rudest and are not trusted and are not given any responsibility to handle. I know every household doesn't do such things but max does.
“ He is made rude but not born rude”.
“Instead of working on his own personality, he is forced to waste his energy to fight back that he doesn't want to be like his/her elder sibling.”
On top of everything, they are considered “SECOND HANDLERS”. Books, dresses, bicycles everything comes into the youngest child after the elder has used it. I know it's all about the money that parents want to save for our future but it is the worst feeling every younger child experiences.
“The eldest gets 100% of love untill the younger is born but the youngest always get the shared love and second hand items to use.”
Even at this stage he/she is not accepted for what they are and are misunderstood always. Trust only builds when they try to get good grades in academics or behave the way the parents want them to behave. The child tries his best but can't be persistent as he is doing the things he hates to do. The child doesn't feel good about himself while talking rudely to his/her parents, he is one who gets affected more. This only makes him/her hate himself. It makes it really very hard for the younger one to listen from his/her own parents that, “ I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU LIKE I UNDERSTAND YOUR ELDER SIBLING, YOU ARE SO COMPLEX ”. In the end, he/she gives up the thought of explaining himself/herself to the parents.
*Out of all these struggles, one fine day the younger realizes that "he is not born to impress others but to express himself". That is the day when he actually starts loving himself and embraces his own unique personality.
I understand that no one is wrong in any way, it's the situation that makes it unfavorable to at least one among the family. I also understand that parents just want their both children to be happy and successful but it's “NOT OK” to force a fish to climb a tree. My dear present or future parents of two or more kids, please understand that each individual has their own personality and you must embrace them as they are and do respect the emotions of the youngest and give some space and time for him/her to explore the world with positivity. You may feel that the younger don't think about your emotions but he/she is the one who does it more.
So my dear younger child, please trust yourself and keep doing the right things, parents will understand you at the right time. Everything happens for a reason, just cherish life with positivity :).
