Hello dear fellow bloggers! Today as it is Valentine's day I want to write something about love in my language means how I perceive it and how different it is in reality. So I had grown up watching the mushy Bollywood movies where a guy falls in love with a girl and then they sing songs, fight for their love and eventually end up winning against the world. I have spent my childhood dancing on those songs and imagining the same scenarios where someone will fall for me and that will be my forever. But when you live in your own bubble you don't realize that there is a whole different world outside. And being alone, with zero friends makes it worse. Because there was no one to tell me that I was living in my own la la land and reality is completely different. 

Reality is you will not fall in love only once in your lifetime. Love doesn't come with the condition of happening to you only once. It's a feeling that you may feel for many people. Like love doesn't mean a feeling between a couple only, it's a bond between parents and their children, between siblings, between friends, we love our pets. But loving a person to spend your life with gets different. Like in our Indian society we are told that we marry only once, but doesn't that happen worldwide? No! Why? Because we are not prisoners to our relationships. It's better to leave things when they stop serving you any purpose. And this is why I say Love can happen many times. 

I have never been lucky in love. When I was in school I used to like a boy. And he was the first person I ever felt this way for. He used to pick up and drop his girlfriend who was way much senior to me to school. I liked him but I knew he has a girlfriend. Seeing him daily was enough for me. And this way three years passed, the girl passed out from school and I was happy with seeing him anywhere around the town. When I reached class 11th, I came to know that people in my class used to laugh on me. I had never done anything to be mocked upon then on enquiring I got to know I was laughed upon because no boy ever actually saw me. Nobody was interested in dating me. There wasn't a single guy who would say that he likes me. Also everybody in the class knew about the crush I had on my senior's boyfriend. That was weird and I was a child of low self esteem. I cried my heart out that day and decided to forget that crush.

My classmates tried setting me up with someone. And they succeeded. But I wasn't aware that they did that I thought the boy genuinely liked me. As a result of low self esteem I fell for the guy and introduced him to my cousin. Months later I got to know that they were dating while he being in a relationship with me. I started doubting myself severely and at this point I was adamant to get a boyfriend. I got into college a boy flirted with me and I thought he liked me. So months later he was my boyfriend and I would boast around that I have finally found someone who loved me. Until I caught him cheating. But I was so underconfident. I thought of myself as nothing and forgave him. Took me 5 years to realize that I have to love my self first otherwise I will keep letting people hurt me. I broke up with him and never felt happier. He is married now. Then I started working and there out of nowhere with a broken heart that was not ready to trust anyone I found someone who actually liked me. He never said he liked me and I had no such feelings for him. But the day I resigned and moved back to my home he told me how much in love was he with me. This all came to me as a shock. By this time I had no idea how to trust people. I was so hesitant in talking to him. He then also resigned and moved back to his hometown. I thought he will find someone there and everything will be back to normal but two years passed and he still was saying that he loved me. Eventually I gave in. But the past insecurities were still there. And you know what the hardest part is? It is how to handle a genuine relationship after failed ones. So my insecurities crept in really hard. He tried his best to make me understand that he is different but things didn't last long and we had to part our ways. Though he met me last year and said he still loves me and will win me back, but that is something for the future.

So in reality when your bubble bursts you don't understand how to handle things. What all I understood from my life is you can't let your past decide your present. You have to be brave enough to trust again, love someone again and let them go if they don't serve you any purpose. Live for the days of joy which will never come to you if you stay in the past.