The Mom…..
Hi there, brand-new mothers! I am not going to sharing my opinions on the best way to nurse or if my child is developing normally. I will be writing about my deepest emotions as a mother for the time being. I will address those topics that few of you would feel comfortable discussing openly. Or maybe you have no idea why you feel the way you do. That being said, I'm sure a lot of you will agree with what I'm saying because these are typical emotions experienced by new mothers.
Upon becoming a new mom without a plan of becoming one, my initial thought was how God could entrust such a small piece of flesh to me without second thought. That my husband would leave us and go to work like normal shocked me. I tried to keep my kid as near to my body as I could because I was too afraid to do anything else. For the first three months, my mom was there to keep me sane, but then everything went crazy.
First of all, I didn't think I was the ideal person to look after a newborn. I used to wonder why I found my newborn girl so boring as I would look at her. Really, what did I think she would do? I was talking to her, but she was not even understanding. She simply laid there staring at me with her naive eyes all the time. I felt bored and miserable even though I thought she was the most gorgeous baby.
Regularly, I would get this horrible sensation that my life was finished and I would never do anything productive in life. Till my death, I would only be a mother chasing after her child, taking care of her needs for food and education. I've sobbed a few times in desperation, wondering why I wasn't more driven when I was a teenager. I wanted to go back in time and give myself a huge fat F in 18 years old. I was terrified that I would make a mistake and lose my baby because I had heard so much about SDS as a new mother. I would poke my baby almost nightly to make sure she was still breathing.
When you're by yourself, you have a lot of ideas and imagine the worst. Even worse, my daughter used to make strange noises as she slept, and occasionally I would lie awake all night worrying about whether she would do it again. These tiny humming and cooing sounds in their sleep do not at all help when you are a new mother, who is usually in a panic.
When my partner would take her out, I would worry about whether he would properly tend to her needs or whether he would make a mistake and forget to bring her somewhere. Perhaps this was the result of watching a lot of television. After all, it's dubbed the "idiot box." Finally, I must admit that there have been moments when I have become frustrated seeing her cry nonstop. I would yell at her to stop. Please. I would want to hit the small thing and weep. But even though I knew we were both new to this, I would just cuddle up to her and cry with her.
During my second pregnancy, I was an intelligent and self-assured mother. I was certain that I was my son's (my second born) best option. I knew I would raise him properly. I was aware that none of his cries indicated that he was in pain. And by then, I was enjoying my interests and had already discovered my passion. Between my two pregnancies, I discovered that crying is a normal part of becoming a new mother. It's normal to have frustration. It's normal to yell and let your frustration out occasionally, as long as you don't harm the infant. Being unfamiliar with the entire phase, it's normal to experience conflicting emotions.
The key to remaining composed and optimistic is to follow your instincts, reject unwarranted counsel, and take deep breaths when you find yourself overcome by pessimistic ideas. Believe me. It always works when you calm yourself down and listen to your inner feelings. You have the ability to give birth to and love your child because, deep down, you are an amazing mother. Take it up as a challenge and ace it!
Do you feel the same way I do? Have you ever had any of these ridiculous emotions and uncontrollably sobbed because you believed you were a poor parent? Please inform me!
