There are some things I still need to learn about you but so far as l know I am doing it exceptionally. Even though you think I don't understand you, so wrong you are my love… where do you think all this supernatural patience comes from? It comes from understanding you and putting myself in your place but sometimes put yourself in my place as well and try to feel how it would be for you if situations were altered and I might be the one who might be unable to be with you?now imagine spending a day, now two…three and a week and two and a month spending barely with your minimum presense and lack of communication? For me I feel like there's a whole DxMN boulder of heavy feelings on me that is trying to crush me beneath it but poor boulder… (situations) it doesn't know how stubborn and patient I am to hold it on my shoulders no matter how heavy it gets. And you know what keeps me going? It's a hope that you will take that boulder from me and throw it in an endless pit.
Can I be honest about something? Lately I am been thinking as if I am your priority or not. I don't want you to just say “I am trying” but I seriously want you to show everything you think and feel through your actions and efforts. By making it possible to communicate more. In case if you keep yourself away just because all we talk about is love (would that be even a reason for staying away? Because those are the things that make bonds even more stronger. But in case that's the reason ( I hope not ) then I want you to let you know that we can be talk about other things only when you can be there enough first.
Understand it this way. (Just an hypothetical example)
If you are talking about topic-xyz with a person-abc that means you are putting your time in that conversation to talk about it.
Communication or Conversation= Time x Person
Simple. It's all about time a person invests for something to communicate.
Even talking about something the enough time is mandatory. You are barely a few minutes with me and in that time we can barely talk or sum up anything so we can talk about other things but if only if you can put more time instead of talking those casual things with others and investing that time with me.
I seriously want to feel like your priority and feel chosen by you. These days I feel more like as if you are just losing your willingness and reasons to be with me (I hope it's wrong). Now just spent a bit more time with me instead of those bare texts. Stop making yourself feel helpless to do anything about us, you can do it just understand how important it it because everything literally depends on it. You will have to be expressive Because your half-hearted texts doesn't help much to make me feel any good. I understand and care more than enough about you, I just want you to do some more for me.
I am doing my best for keeping patience for both of us but sometimes it gets too much and for those times I want you to make me believe that everything is exactly where it is and nothing has been lost between us. I get scared thinking it.
Wrapping it up now. It's too late at night and there's no sleep at all. I hope all these difficult days will end soon and we will go back to the stability we used to have. Don't feel helpless to do anything, you can do more but only if you want to and I am counting you on that. Meanwhile I am not giving up on you no matter what even if it will change me as a person I don't want to me, but even then I will keep holding on to you and us.
03.21 A.M.
