00:18

I was supposed to be asleep but after dropping that last text I couldn't help with my running mind and I had to come here to write an Anchored Letter for you so I can tell you things you should know and I hope this letter will help you to not do those things I told you many times not to do!

First of all I want to admit and confess that I unsend a lot of texts these days and there are just two reasons for it:

1. You not being there and just because most of texts are long and expressive enough, I unsend them if it takes a lot of time for you to read them. I do that to avoid any situation when they may get read by someone else.
2. Second reason is more crucial one and this one is something I hope you to work on: as I said I am expressive to you and I can't help with honestly telling you things I think or feel. No matter how harsh, good or pleasant, I tell you everything because you are the only one who should know them. Yes I admit that some things I say require second thoughts but I don't realize it when I write them and that's why they get perceived in a different way than their intention. And sometimes no matter how good or expressive those texts are where I tell you about things that bother, hurt or affect me, such texts get treated by you being mad on them. So whenever I observe that there is/are text/s that may make you mad (no matter how important or serious that mean to me) I unsend such texts because I expect those things to he taken seriously and heard and understood. And when I get opposite reactions it hurts just more but that's still not enough for me to bottle up (yet). So what I do is this: before unsending them I copy-paste them on notes so someday when we will be together or when you will be able to treat those texts without being mad, I will show them all. Sometimes I just wait for you to be there and when I feel like it's safe to talk about things I unsend then I being those topics to you when you are present.

What I have learned from doing this is that it helps (not much but still helps) to not have much complications. Yes I feel sorry for doing it because I always wanted you to make me feel heard and understood. But considering some past experiences I had to do that because we know how it turns out. I also expect not just being heard but to be responded for those things so I could know what you might have understood and willing to do about it but again we know how it ends up; not getting responded. 

[QUICK CHECK: I hope you are still reading and I hope you are not mad knowing this or else it will be a mother of irony, like same thing will be happening that I already mentioned; “like me expressing and you getting mad about it”. Instead throw that “being mad” stuff away and bring consideration here: consider this: At least I am honestly admitting and letting you know these things and all for valid reasons (which is basically to not make you mad for expressing myself) and if you are still going to be add while reading this [that's mother of Irony) then seriously what difference anything will make? 😅 Anyway read further, there's another point worth to consider.]

You know the fun part? Sometimes those texts I unsend in the fear of making you mad (no matter how important they mean to me) seriously need a lot of second thoughts so later I realise how good that decision was because I couldn't put things in right way so when I generally talk about them I can put them in right way. Unsending those texts help me to learn perspective of the way I can present things without making you mad (see? I told you I am working on myself, a lot actually) 

But the thing is, why do you have to be mad about me expressing my uneasy thoughts, heavy feelings or things that bother me? I have answers for it and it surely will help you if you take it seriously but read that in PART -2 of this letter.