Fxck. I am emotionally vulnerable and exhausted. I wanted to write so many things but it got too overwhelming to write anything at all. I don't even write many things because I know those might be my assumptions and I don't want to make you mad for them. But then there's that one little voice that tells me what if it's all true? and I shut it off by saying that I will only believe anything that will be said by her (you). So even if there are many dark thoughts I still choose to believe in you and us. 

Even right now there are so many dark thoughts and worst are those “What If" ones. But I am not going to believing them and I hope you know that I believe you blindly and everything you say to me. And that's what helps me to be patient. Honestly these days you are making things very hard for me; I am not having your much time, attention, warmth, care, comfort, or much love. Some days I even question myself but I always have answers that this is just a phase. But sometimes fighting against those attacking thoughts can be very difficult; like now I can't even sleep (it's 2:21 Am while I am writing this) and I am terribly missing to be with you consistently. 

I am just grateful that at least you are dedicated to me and not playing games like those people out there who intentionally find reasons to avoid their love or who feed lies to them just to falsely comfort them, invest and give their time and attention to others instead of then or who take advantage of someone caring and loving then and take them for granted believing they always be there so instead of being with them they spend time talking and laughing on lame topics with others. 

I am seriously grateful that you are not playing any games with me because that's the only thing I am very very cautious too. I trust and believe you blindly and I also trust and believe everything you say to me and that's all because you have given me enough reasons to believe in us than anything. I will not stop believing in us ever and I also don't want you to stop believing in us. 

[Continue in Part 2]