I wish if I could make this blog a bit kind and comforting but the heavy feelings and chaotic emotions are crowding my mind. I don't know why but I still believe that some things doesn't end. There come times when because of situations it comes to a point where it get puts on a standby mode and all you can do is to keep patience and see if your hopeless hopes may actually come true. 

There are many instances when I get to know from people that I am good with words and I always have hard time believing that because I am really not. All I do is to express myself and my thoughts as they are and then they flow on their own but once in a while you come across someone who makes all your words matter and truely make you feel beautiful about the way you write for them. And see the irony, now all I will ever write anything will be in a hopeless hope that it may get read my that person so without any form of communication things will get conveyed and at least I will still have a relief that at least I am getting heard even after all that chaos that drifted us a million miles from each other.

Last two days have been difficult and very paranoid and there are still lurking fears and worries about the way things might have happened on the another end. Hours and days passed with nothing but in overthinking and with self-blaming. These things work really different; one day everything was good and suddenly another day seems like an end you didn't see coming. But is it an end? I seriously have no idea because even if sometimes our actions seem like a coward, what we actually feel inside is completely different what gets projected to the world. Not a single second passed when you don't miss them or think about them and you get afraid if they will be missing or thinking about you the same way. You can't do anything from your side because all your possible ways seem like to get blocked and restricted by greater risks and still hopelessly you find a weird way to at least express yourself and letting that someone know about everything you think and feel. You might be waiting for eternity in a hope that even after all that chaos they will come around once again and find a way to communicate with you. I wish if it's really true because the idea of not knowing anything at all seems more scary than the idea of knowing that it's over from there side. (Did it? I hope not.)

It's crazy how all you wanted was to be there with them when they weren't doing good and you were concerned that at least you should make attempts to know and instead of that your desperate attempts lead to something that mess up your peace and put you in the state of endless anxiety. But how can you forget those last words from them? When they actually said what they feel for you and which was everything that you wanted to know, and still you did what you were not allow to do and now you are leaving with that burden and just wondering about how good things might be if you couldn't have done what you did what if you could have listened what they told you, of if you couldn't have attempted things you shouldn't have done. One stupid act of desperation and now you are going to carry it on your shoulders until you will get to know what they have been through or what they want, or if they hate you now because of it, or if they will always going to be mad  because of it, or if they will let the things cool down and find a way to communicate. I hope they know how sorry and guilty you are for doing that and how afraid you might be for making them go through their worst nightmare because of that stupid act. I hope they will still care about you and will not give up even if it may seems the end. I hope they will hold on to something that may not seem possible but not surrender themselves to the fate they may not choose for themselves. 

I hope they will write and let you know what they feel or think. I hope you deserve your share of explanations and letting them know that you are going to be right there for them. I hope they know that there's always something ‘between’ to talk with/about. I hope they will at least drop a single comment to let you know that they are trying their best to be patient and aren't giving up on you yet. 

This is just a collection of hopeless hopes but their one effort can make you believe that all you have to do is to keep patience and with time, they will find a way to return back to their home. 

[Next one will be based on ‘HOME’]

I hope you get heard!