My old and my closed friends know me as a very talkative person, outgoing and friendly. But in reality I am like that only with people I am comfortable and in my comfort zone. After graduation, my confident level decreased, my life right now and my college life is different, I started not talking that much and just started keeping everything in myself.
On the first day of my job, there was a health camp and I was directed to attend it by our DM&HO and so I went there without knowing who I shall meet nor where I should sit. There were so many people yet no one I knew. But luckily I knew one of my colleague just few weeks prior because one of my senior introduced us and so as soon as I saw her, I went directly to greet her and ask about the seating arrangements. She was introducing me to certain seniors and I said hi without remembering their names nor faces I was so blank and just nervous that day. They were telling me that one of the senior from my department has reached but I have not yet seen her face nor met her I only knew her name. So I was anxiously waiting for her and she came just as everyone was starting to settle down and she said hi and asked if I were the new recruit and that was all. Just like that our program started and we were all busy doing our own work and lunch time came and the program ended. After the program ended we all gathered to take photos because it was compulsory and we all headed home.
Next day, when I went to hospital to attend my duty, my senior was giving a very different vibe towards me. I felt like she was not ready to welcome me nor say hi. But I just sat on my chair and proceeded with my own duty. I was so blank and really nervous to do my duty, I really needed a guidance and atleast an advice about the facilities available in the hospital and medicines available. But I did not feel comfortable to ask nor did not have a confident to ask so I just did what I could. Just like that I tried to adjust my daily routine and slowly learned my way eventhough I was still lacking confidence.
I became more timid and shy as days went by, sometimes I wondered if I did a right thing joining it but in the back of my mind I know that I need this job for my own pocket money, I could not go on asking for money from my parents. I was depressed and anxious for few months but now the have adapted to the environment and I am slowly trying to ignore what others think eventhough it is really hard. But I know I can overcome it one day, during my depressing days I would always pray and go just so that my day would go smoothly without feeling anxious and depressed, I still do it till now.
One day, I hope when I get a junior colleague, I will be able to enjoy my healthy junior-senior relationship.
