I love make up, I like how I look after applying it, it boost my confident and i feel pretty. I do not feel comfortable going out without applying any make up nor I like stepping out of my house without it. I feel shy to even meet any guest that came to our home without applying anything in my face. I let me skin breathe when I am at home and no other guest is there, because I know that it is compulsory and not good for my skin. That is the reason why I am very envious of my friends who are comfortable with their own appearance and can just go out after applying sunscreen and nothing else because I too want to that. One day I shared to one of my friends about how insecure I am of my own body and appearance than she said no need, you do not need make you have clear skin. I was taken back when she said that because I am applying make up to hide my insecurity about my appearance not because of any scar or acne as I did not get any acne even when growing up but that does not mean I will not be insecure.

I started apply make up following the Korean beauty trend because I love how they make it look so natural, so I apply light and natural looking type of make up which is why most of the people does not know that I apply layers of cream like sunscreen, primer, foundation and CC cream but they do know that I do eye make up because it is a bit prominent. Recently, one of my colleague was sharing how the other colleague looks totally different when applying make up ( her only fault was that she did not blend properly and did not apply on her necks too) especially with that thick foundation and concealer, I did not know how to react because I too apply make up but it is just that it is not noticeable so I just faked laughed it off because it was awkward and felt like I was hurt by a bullet in my heart. I am not pointing finger at anyone but just sharing what I experienced.

Growing up I was not confident with my own appearance and body, I would always starve myself or take a very small amount of food twice a day just to make my parents stop nagging me to eat as I grew up I started feeling insecure about my face. I still do not know how I look, whether I am pretty, ugly or normal, or whether i am thin or chubby because even if people keep saying I am normal sized I feel very chubby. 

I know how it has been affecting me but I am starting to accept my insecurities, still I have a long way in my journey. I have started eating in an amount my body requires and I eat whenever I am hungry because my health comes first.