When you make silly jokes, I laugh aloud hitting your thigh. When you narrate a ghost story, I hold your hand tight. When you irritate me, I give a simple smile and say, “ that's ok”. I carefully choose my actions and words as I want to be in your good books. If you are an important person to me, then forget you can never know the real me. What I have shown you is what I intended to show you.  

Some great person said, ‘face is the index of the mind,’ but I won't let you know what my face tells?

Come find me in my false smiles, irrational laughs, well-mannered gestures, soft-toned voice, manipulated talks, haha. Nothing you see is real, my dear. I made it look perfect for you. Do you want to know why?  

I am craving for belonging, want to be on that “good person” list. Whatever! But it's true with all of us. The biggest question is: How long am I going to be that “Good guy”? Definitely, not forever. Even if you try hard all your life, you are a villain in someone's story. I walked the path others wanted me to but I walked away from the one I was. 

I laughed only when I understood the joke but people called me tube light. I shouted back at those who insulted me but people called me rude. I did not hold hands, hugged, and kissed they said I am not cool. I danced in the rain they said I want to show off. What not everything I ever did was judged. I changed myself, tried to fit in as I don't want to hear people gossiping behind me. Learned tips to make others like me and believed that I am in their good books until someone tells me I am not.

One day, I stopped craving neither belongingness nor the good girl tag. I craved the old me. This is what I learned. 

Stop thinking what others think about you as long as you are walking the right path. Stop mingling with those who judge you for what you are. Stop believing that you are an ugly duckling. Stop pleasing those who don't even try to be in your shoes. Stop everything that is toxic to you. Start being the real you. 

The most important point is to treat others how you want to be treated. You know the pain so don't hurt any other. If possible help them find their true self. 

If all these make sense, then you know your next step :). You know about yourself better than anyone else. So I don't suggest what you should do, where to start and how to find the old you. It's your call ;). Jai Hind.