I am opening this page nearly after a year. 

Most of my world toppled over and took violent and unimaginable turns. Everything that happened was unexpected. But this time, I am prepared. Somewhere inside me, I know that life will take diversions and I was ready to accept things the way they were. 

I was analyzing myself as a person while reading the previous posts. The lockdown put me down both mentally and physically and I made constant efforts to revive myself from it. But unfortunately, I gained benefits from none of them, and this made me enter into a loop. 

For a long time, I was passive about making friends and being in relationships. But then I found solace in depending on people again only to get hurt once again. 

I have to go back to my own pace. The time when I found solace in books and things that I was reading. It felt good in many ways. 

So, I am back. 

I almost forgot the fact that the blog content was mimimum of 400 words. What do I write? Maybe I can write about my emotions. I don't see people I know reading this. Yet, I am still a little bit cautious about what to write for the day. 

I usually don't dream nowadays. But yesteday I woke up dreaming about many things. I woke up listening to friends saying that they think that people are often taken for granted and get thrown away from life without notice. I almost felt like a middle man in the conversation and I am receiving no respionse from either of the candidates. 

Although I told this person that this is how life is, I am unable to accept the fact that I am taken for granted. 

What am I supposed to do now? What should my next stance be? 

Do I wait or move ahead thinking about what am I supposed to do? There is this sort of stark reality that hits my head all the time; and that is we all die and I am afraid of oblivion. But another question equally pops up in my mind which is: whom am I living for? Whom am I proving to? 

These endless obligations make me question the credibility and purpose of life. Although at times they trigger me, I make sure to get rid of it, which is the same that I am doing right now. I must move on.