I skip days. I don’t have a reason but, I do it. I engage in daydreaming most of the day. Little do I spare moments for me. It annoys me, but some days, I just let it slide by believing that there is another tomorrow. Tomorrows pass every day, and I make very little progress. I don’t know if this is the same situation for everyone. I would like to believe that I am not alone in this.

Some days, thoughts rush through me like a furious wind. They never stay. Instead, they pass at an unimaginable speed like a blink of an eye. So, I keep thinking about what those thoughts were. Some days I try my best to record it in my journal. But by that time, I forget it. Later, on that day, I try to read. I read a little to zone out soon. It is funny. I keep comparing myself to every successful human creature out there whose name pops up first when I log in to my Instagram. I eagerly wait to see their updates to depress myself for the rest of the day. Yet, I keep on doing it.

Fool.

Currently, I am reading “War and Peace” by Leo Tolstoy. The novel is my first Russian Literature classic, and I like it. Make sure you chose the latest translated versions for better reading.

When I write something, there are many people to judge me. Some call me extra emotional, judgmental, weak, etc. Some even consider me to be a terrible mistake. Recently, I forced myself to stop being friends with my only friend. Not that I don’t have any friends. But he was the only person with whom I shared what I feel. I prepared myself for it. After a while, I thought it was my mistake. But then, I decided not to rely upon those who cannot understand what you mean. So, I picked up those who could never understand me and just left them. Now I am alone. I do have people to talk to about my problems. But I chose not to. Interestingly, everyone is busy.

This time, once again, I decided to write what I feel. I will be doing the same, I believe. I want to pour out all my thoughts. But I got lazy. It is as if time is warning me. I have seen a lot of people exposing their real side on these platforms. I have once done the same. But what bothered me then was how people judged me. I felt bruised, and my vulnerability got used. I got hurt to a point where I ultimately stopped loving myself. Now, I have shut myself down to the world. It gets scary every time you try to get closer to it. Beware of this medium.

And about friends, I can handle myself being alone. I chose this.