For the longest time I'd been preparing for Medical entrance exams. 4 years of constant failure , Graduating from a shitty college so that I don't have to attend classes and keep my preparation on track , I lost a track of the world around me. Deeply rooted to my own existence and social media being the only window to the world I didn't realize when I broke all bonds with me. Just 2 people to talk to and being 24*7 imprisoned by myself , I can not in words describe how much I was filled with self loath , anxiety and insecurity. Eventually I stopped trying hard to get that medical seat and started cribbing to everything that happened. Cries that were often outrageous and violent to anger that could burn ones neurons I transformed into what I'd never been. My calm and serene self was lost. I trusted no one. There was this constant fear that I am disliked by all eventhough being the youngest in my family I was the most loved child.

Now comes the question “When did I care to get the enlightenment that spending 4 years in my own brain is why I have assumed things around me?” Human brain is magical. It can create what you consciously think of depending on the kind of energy you possess. I have always thought negatively of me , lacking self acceptance and being vulnerable to what people say. Everyone does mostly but some take it positively and some don't care ; they are smart ; some take it negatively immediately…Then comes people like me , we will listen to what you say , act cool as if we don't care but deep down we will spend next 24 hour thinking on what you said. I am this person. These instances are what led to my downfall. I cared too much about what I am being told rather than keeping a conscious outlook behind the motive and energy of the person who said it.

And I failed. Aware of my actions and consequences yet I failed and never really stopped bothering about it. But there comes a point where you stop , tired of running in the rat race and questioning your destination. And I believe my constant failures have been my biggest drive. You don't value food unless you are left to starve. You don't value dreams unless you see them shatter before you. You don't value yourself till you are left to battle alone. We all desire for something. A good life as per our choices , good people to be around with and have good career with money as driving force. Some of you may contradict with my concept here and that is completely fine. But what so ever your thought process is , the central idea will always remain how much effort you are putting in. How much you are consciously trying. Wasting away your time doing something that'll never mean anything in the long race or putting in your effort into the wrong direction will give you failure , stress , anger and self hatred. And as the saying goes ‘everything looks yellow to a jaundiced eye’ you will see these negative emotions within you in the people around you. Also many people pretend to be working hard when in reality they are trying to avoid others from judging them. They live a life of lie and regret. I did that too. For once I felt everything has been negative throughout in my life. But today when I look back I realize each year I was dealing with one of my demons and right now I am ready to face whatsoever the world throws at me. I survived a lung infection, a bad heartbreak from matured mind and then found love who stayed with me always , a burn , lost innumerable good friends but found two realest ones, a severe anxiety issue that wanted me to end myself , watched my mother helpless after an accident and last month I survived covid. Like , man I am meant for great things and so are you ! You just never have to stop trying in the right direction and before you do that acknowledge where lies your passion and driving force because even a right effort in the wrong direction can leave you with failure. You just have to consciously build yourself and you are set to fly. When you do don't forget the piece of advice came from me. LOL.